Sunday, December 19, 2010

New Treatment

I apologize for taking so long to update everyone on the results from my pathology reports.  So I have some praise reports and those are that the breast was not as diseased as the doctors feared, also the cancer is not in my skin which is pretty much the greastest thing ever!  After hearing all these good things I began to get mad thinking "did I let them take my breast for nothing?" .  However, I was reassured by the surgeon and my oncologist that I pretty  much had no other option besides a mastectomy because I had already had radiation to that side and so surgically removing it was what had to be done.  My oncologist now has me on a pill that works on my type of cancer in conjuction with my IV herceptin.  He is not recommending chemo at this time.....he said "In my business more is not always the best policy" and I could not agree more.  I am thankful for a doctor whose first reaction is not "CHEMO CHEMO CHEMO" but to actually look at other new studies and see what other options we have.  He has consulted with head of the breast center at Sloan Kettering in New York and the treatment recommended at this time is a drug called Tykerb.  While anything is better than chemo...the downfall of this pill that is I have to take it 5 times a day on an empty stomach. I am also experiencing nose bleeds with this pill like I did with chemo along with stomach issues and my prayer is that with God's healing power the nose bleeds and stomach problems will cease.   So if u combine that with the other medications I'm taking for sleep, hot flashes, and an estrogen blocking pill.....that comes to a grand total of 10 pills a day and 70 pills a week.  And to be honest its gotten a little depressing.  Like I told Dr. Briggs....I feel like I have some sort of horrible contagious disease........which is kind of do except its not contagious.  But I choose to press forward and manage to stomach all the pills down everyday.  The emotional scares that the mastectomy has left behind has obviously has not changed but with each passing day I am able to with stand it a little more.  The Jackson Pratt drain stitched into my side is the most annoying thing right now...I mean its always there and heaven forbid if u drop it......let's just say it ain't comin out but its takin u with it lol.  Once it drain less than 20 milliliters in 24/hrs I can get it out and it's slowly getting there.  But as they say patience is a virtue and God is teaching me that one day at a time. I will be honest with everyone I am frustrated and sometimes I burst out in tear for myself and all I feel like I have lost in such a short time and how mad I am that all this has happened.  But God has in his own loving and graceful way reminded me of all I I have cancer YES but is it killing me NO! Have I survived YES!  I may have scars but let's face it we all have scars whether those be internal or external and we all have battles and struggles that we are facing.  God has chanllenged me to think of that in my times of frustration and to remember that as I serve others in my job and day to day life.   He is also teaching me to understand that it's ok to mourn and grieve for myself.  If i can offer anyone out there any advice it's some that I shared with one of my favorite nurses Jennie this past week and that is this.....It's ok to admit that your weak...No one expects you to be strong all the time.....though it may seem like at times God doesn't understand believe me that he does....tell him how u feel he knows ur human and he knows u can't do it all alone that's why he's there....I have to remind myself that although he may sit at the right hand of God.....he was once human like me and with stood more pain and torture than I could ever imagine. While I know my battle is not over for now I choose to believe there is no more cancer in my body, there will be no more cancer in my body and I am healed. Day by day I know he is healing me.......though I may be weak he is strong and knows my heart.  Thank u for all the prayers, cards, gifts, good thoughts and vibes, etc.  I am undeserving of the love I have been shown and forever indebted to u all.  I only hope one day I can show all of u the love u have shown me in my darkest hour.  :)
Below is a picture of an awesome cookie bouquet I received :) Along with a few funny pic I've taken...I figure we could all use a little laughter.
FYI I was GI Jane for halloween...figured I'd play up the short hair while I have it lol