Friday, November 27, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
We also went over different types of chemo and radiation. He said I would do radiation about 6 weeks after surgery 5 days a week for six weeks. WOW...5 DAYS A WEEK I thought and we also went over chemo options and the possibility of hair loss after we talked about these two things....anything else the doctor said for the next few minutes were a blur. I was speechless to the reality of how my life would change in the next few months.
Dr. Webber drew everything out for us on a board and took a pictre of it so we could better understand. But even then taking it all it I know will take some time. After our big conversations I drove home and slowly but surely I broke until I walked into my house and just let go. And that was ok...I have told myself that I am allowed to feel sorry for myself from time to time and be angry. And today I was I was angry at everything and I pittied myself for a while. But soon I was reminded all I did have to be thankful for and that God has and has continued to bless me with a great life. This was not a stop sign...and I would not not continue just because I have cancer. I choose to fight through this and know that I am guided by a force greater than me or modern medicine. That force is my God is so much bigger than Cancer and he will carry me through this.
Friday, November 20, 2009
So we get there and I check in while Channing goes to get a drink. Well much to my surprise here he comes a few minutes later w/a bag of chips, a drink, and some cheese cake. I'm like "You know I"m hungry and can't have ANYTHING to eat" and with that little kid grin he says "OH I FORGOT" lol. He's crazy but he makes me laugh and I love him.
So I go back there and they stick me AGAIN...in the same place...my stinkin ANTECUBITAL...
So I have my CT scan and they inject me with this stuff and the guy is like ok "You are going to feel warm and like you peed your pants but I promise you didnt". I'm like "Oh Oh Okay...I think". So all the sudden I feel firey warm and sure enough there is it I could have sworn I just peed my pants lol. But I realize there are two male technicians lookin at me through the glass so I'm like I really hope I didn't actually pee myself cause I realize I can't actually check in the position I am in lol. And I swear at the same time I was peeing fluid was leaking from my ears lol. But needless to say I did not pee my pants and no fluid was leaking from my ears so CODE GREEN we are good to go. :) Oh yea and my bone scan looked great too so its sooo nice to hear good news for once :) Well there's today's adventure...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
So today I met the doctor that will do my surgery. His name is Dr.Webber and he is awesome. I felt so comfortable with him and trusting. He actually did the first masectomy in
So back on a serious note Dr. Webber told me that I would meet with the Oncologist, Surgeon, Radiologist and nurses on Monday (11/24) once all my tests came back and we could look at all the options. The one thing we know is I will need a partial masectomy to remove the lump and then chemo, radiation or both. Now I won't lie when he said chemo I asked the hard question "Will I loose my hair" and the answer of course was "Yes". Now I was ok until this moment. I mean as a women your hair is the topic of many conversatio
Then he says many women who get this type of cancer and go into remission live long lives and are still alive for many years down the road. And the thought hits me...."My own mortality."
You know I have always been scared of death...not b/c I did not know where I was going but because the thought of eternity scared me. That might sound weird but its true. But something happend when I thought about it now...facin
So I go change into what channing calls my "KUNG FOO" outfit and have 3 ultrasounds and 1 MRI done. I mean everytime I turned around someone was wanting to check me out....AGAI
Then came the news....one of my lymph nodes looked irregular and another biopsy was needed. AND...there was a spot that showed up on my left side that needed to be biopsied. I mean I was drained ready to go and here I was having to do another biopsy. Needless to say I sucked it up and they took what they needed.
So six hours laters I left the office and came out to find Channing sleeping in the care. This poor guy had waited all day in the waiting room w/ no TV, only a few men's magazines and only 1 TV show on his IPOD that I'm sure he had watched a few time over lol. And apparently now he is the breast cancer goooru b/c he read the whole book that the doctor gave us. I do feel blessed to have a man that would just sit and wait all day literally on me....only to have me come out and fall into his arms drained from the day. Today was a day that maybe gave me a glimpse into what lies ahead. Hard days but days ending with the arms of those who love me even in my darkest times.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
But there I sat being told I was going to have to ask the BIG QUESTIONS and start looking into the future. To say I was shocked would be an HUGE understatem
I do not know what God's plan is for my life or why it's me that's having to go through this. But I suppose many people say that when they get news like this. But the truth is no one deserves or wants to get cancer but people do and that is the straight of it. All I do know is that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He holds my hand and walks with me through all of this and will lead me through it all. So I hope you all enjoy my story......
My favorite line from my favorite poem "Foot Prints" pre
"My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints,