Monday, November 23, 2009

The Consultation

So today we sad down with the surgeon to go over the details of the type of cancer I have. My cancer is what is called estrogen positive which means that it feeds off estrogen, which means that I will never be allowed to take birth control. The cancer has also moved to one of my lymph nodes which now makes it a Stage II Grade II cancer. The doctor went over posibilites of a masectomy and a partial masectomy with me. And honestly being only 24 years old I am just not ready for that. He told me that the cure rate with a partial and full masectomy were the same. Just talking about the possibility of a masectomy to me is overwhelming. I mean my grandmother had one and I have seen picture of women that had them...but for this to meantioned to me as even an option was something that shook me in ways I can not explain.
We also went over different types of chemo and radiation. He said I would do radiation about 6 weeks after surgery 5 days a week for six weeks. WOW...5 DAYS A WEEK I thought and we also went over chemo options and the possibility of hair loss after we talked about these two things....anything else the doctor said for the next few minutes were a blur. I was speechless to the reality of how my life would change in the next few months.
Dr. Webber drew everything out for us on a board and took a pictre of it so we could better understand. But even then taking it all it I know will take some time. After our big conversations I drove home and slowly but surely I broke until I walked into my house and just let go. And that was ok...I have told myself that I am allowed to feel sorry for myself from time to time and be angry. And today I was I was angry at everything and I pittied myself for a while. But soon I was reminded all I did have to be thankful for and that God has and has continued to bless me with a great life. This was not a stop sign...and I would not not continue just because I have cancer. I choose to fight through this and know that I am guided by a force greater than me or modern medicine. That force is my God is so much bigger than Cancer and he will carry me through this.

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