Wednesday, February 17, 2010

For the Girls

Here's a poem I had that's just really awesome in reminding us Girls...God is our creater....He made us in his image...We are his perfect creation and He loves matter what we look like :)

My Beautiful Princess,

I Made You Because I Love You

I made you…you are different.

You are unique. With love I formed you in your mother’s womb.

I fashioned you with great joy.

I remember with great pleasure the day that I created you.

(Psalm 139:13-16)

I love your smile. I love your ways. I love to hear you laugh.

You bring me great pleasure. This is how I made you.

(Psalm 139:17)
I made you pretty and not beautiful
Because I knew your heart and that you would be vain.

I wanted you to search out your heart and to learn

That it would be Me in you that would draw friends to you.

(1 Peter 3:3-4)

I made you in such a way that you would need Me.

I made you a little more lonesome than you would like to be…

Only because I need you to learn that you must depend on me...

I know your heart; I know that if I had not made you like this,
You would go your own way and forget Me, your Creator.
(Psalm 62:5-8)

I have given you many good and happy things…

Because I love you. (Psalm 84:11)

Because I love you, I have seen your broken heart…

And the tears you have cried alone. I have cried with you,

And have had a broken heart, too. (Psalm 56:8)

Many times you have stumbled and fallen alone

Only because you would not listen to my voice. (Ephesians 2:10)

So many times I have sat back and watched you go your way alone,

Only to watch you return to my arms, sad and broken. (Isaiah 66:2)

And now you are mine again…I made you, and bought you…
Because I love you. (Romans 5:8)

I have to reshape you and remold you, to renew you To what I had planned for you to be.It has not been easy for you or for Me. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

I want you to be conformed to My image.This is my goal I have set for you…Because I love you. (2 Corinthians 2:14, 5:17)

Cutting My Hair

So last Thursday I did probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.....I cut my own hair.  To some they may say well its just hair and honestly I thought that for a while...."Its just Hair" but let me assure you as  24 year old girl who knows I probably spent WWWAAAYYY to much time on my was so much more than that.  I think since it had been about 2 weeks since my 1st treatment I really had got the notion in my head that I was gonna be one of the special few that defied medical science and all my doctor and everyone else told me and not loose my hair.  However, last tuesday I ran my hands through my hair and much to my shock there it over my hand.  Now, I wasn't totally shocked....I think said "Hmmmmm well look at that" lol.   But over the next 24 hours the hair on my head actually hurt...which is the craziest feeling unless you have experienced it yourself.  I soon realized  I could not do the impossible....I would not be the "super hair girl" who defied everyone. LOL  So after work Thursday I decided to go to a local salon and just have them cut it.  But let me tell you a little secret....the closer the time came to leaving my house to go to the salon the more scared I became and I eventually laid on my bed until 9 o'clock and said "Well the hair salon is closed...guess I can't get it cut.....DANG.....guess I will just have to wait!" ha ha...I"m so sneaky...NOT!! 
You see I leave out the little part about not washing my hair that day because it was coming out so bad and I was afraid if I washed it might come out so bad I would have a bald spot and I had to work the next day which would not have been a great combination.  A little while later Channing came over with his home hair cutting kit and said "Why don't you let me cut your hair"........I believe my response was "Your kidding right" lol. I had never in life known him to cut anyone's hair but his own so you could say my belief that he could cut mine and make it look "descent" was little to none.  But I may have slightly been proven to be how do you say "not right" ha ha.  We put my hair up in pony tails so I could send it off to a program Pantene Pro-V does called  Beautiful Lengths  which sends your hair off to be used for wigs for cancer patients, its just like Locks of Love except your hair only has to be 8 its great for those with shorter hair. :) Plus I gotta give a shot out to my friend Meg who was the one who told me about this to begin with. Thanks Meg :)
So before we do my hair Rebecca and I took the Great pleasure in shaving Channing's hair into a mow-hawk....yes I said it....a MOW-HAWK......I know right now everyone is pretty jealous so if you really want one just stop by my house and me and Rebecca will be happy to give you one just like his. LOL ;)
So now it was my turn we had my hair up...scissors out...and I was ready.  But cutting off your hair is much more than anything I could ever try to explain in words.....its a part of you that you are kind of willingly cutting off and its hard. So when it came down to it...I refused to let anyone cut MY hair....I made everyone leave and I took the scissors and I did it....I cut my own hair and sobbed with every cut....but I have to tell you I was not alone.....Channing came back in and sat with me.  Cutting my own hair gave me a sense of control...which almost all survivors says is something that helps to have with a disease where Control is not something you have much of.   
I had thought at one point I wanted to have a hair cutting party where everyone came over and I did it with everyone there...looking back now I am glad that I didn't because when it happened it was a awesome as I previously thought. Everyone takes to this differently, some people can rejoice when it happens and laugh but I unfortunately was not one of those....not everyone is and that's ok. :) I wasn't sure whether I should share all that but I feel led to do so that maybe it might help someone, somewhere, someday to understand CANCER SUXS...there's not denying that...its a horrible disease and no one deserves to have it.  But when its all over, or at least the hair cutting part for me, Your Stronger, Your still beautiful (although sometimes you may not feel like that) and You can survive this. 
 My friend and fellow survivor Dawn told me yesterday "God dont' give sissy girls cancer. Only the warriors" and that one quote made me feel awesome and chessy as that might sound.  Its hard and sometimes you hate hearing "It's Just Hair" because its YOUR HAIR but you are still you and there is a beautiful part of a girl that comes out with the hair and is there for all the world and you to see and after praying about it I think....maybe that is God's gift in it reveal a beaty to us we might never have seen other wise.  

Psalm 89:8 "O Lord God Almighty who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfullness surrounds you"
Here's the slide show of the pics we took.....

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

What Cancer Can't Do!!!

A while back I went to young cancer survivors meeting and met some really awesome people.  It was awesome and still scary to meet young women with cancer.  But it was great more than anything to have people to talk to who really understood...who had experienced what I was going through and could really give me advice.  There are some days where I find myself sulking and thinking of how much this disease has already taken from its already slowed my life and the plans I had but I try and constantly remind myself  I AM BLESSED.....this could be worse....and I have the opportunity to use take this disease and use it for glory of God.   I have to remember this is the life God gave to me...a precious gift from him....he knows my first and my last breath...and he knows all the twists and turns my life will take.  To say I'm not scared would be say I dont' cry and scream and get angry with God  would also be a lie, but going through all this has made my faith and my relationship with God that much stronger.  This disease has already taught me to trust him for EVERYTHING...b/c everything is a gift from him and I try to live according to his word....though there are days when I find that to be very hard.  I just wanted to share that b/c it was on my heart and I also wanted to share a poem I read on a fellow survivors blog because I thought it was soo awesome......

It CANNOT silence Courage

It CANNOT cripple love

It CANNOT shut out memories

It CANNOT shatter hope

It CANNOT eat away peace

It CANNOT reduce eternal life

It CANNOT destroy confidence

I​t CANNOT quench the Spirit

It CANNOT corrode FAITH!!!!!

I​t CANNOT kill friendship

Wednesday, February 3, 2010