Update on Gamma Knife

         Just wanted to let everyone know that my Gamma Knife Procedure went as planned.  We arrived at the center and just as I was gonna get out....it hit me.....the overwhelmingness of what I was about to do......and I sat there a I prayed and I cried.....and I remembered a time when my father sat alone and asked God if this really was his will and if it was then "thy will be done".  So I was reminded by Gods grace that he knows and understands my fears and with that I went in to do what I knew had to be done.  I was blessed enough to have some awesome doctors and nurse that held my hand through the whole thing.  Even the physicist that was there to just design a plan for the radiation held my hand.  I know that its not in the handbook that every doctor has to be nice or caring.......so I feel truly blessed that I have come across such wonderful and caring ones.  When you look at the pictures imagine me trying to take a drink with that on.....it was quite entertaining if I do say so myself......to bad I didnt' get anyone to video that as it took me a few times to figure out how to get te straw under the metal contraption LOL.  And if you know me you know that I had to get some funny pics while this contraption was screwed to my head so here you go....

Decked Out in my hat...headed to get my MRI before the
Gamma Knife Procedure :)

All Screwed in and Ready to Go lol

So they wrapped my head to prevent bleeding
post-op and well it left just the top of my head
exposed.....so I got me some Easter Eggs and
made me a nest......on top of my head HA HA

Gamma Knife Procedure

Psalm 119:114

"You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope"

Back to the real world.......I know I am surrounded by the protection of my God so I will be going in for what is  called a Gamma Knife Procedure to further shrink and hopefully completely eradicate :) the tumors in my head.  Its pretty much a more specific form of radiation and there is not cutting involved......I mean whose happy when the option to NOT open them up or cut them is offered lol.  Its a one time....pretty much all day procedure where I am placed in what looks like a Halo to hold my head still while radiation is administered to the specific tumors instead of to the whole brain like I did before.  I won't lie...I'm pretty overwhelmed by this procedure but am confident in my doctors and am thankful that God has lined everything up perfectly so that I can have this procedure.  In the midst of my fears.......I hold onto the hope and peace that surpasses all understanding.

John 14:1

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me"

Here's a video about Gamma Knife Procedure if it interests you to watch :)

Here is also another place where you can read about it....Just click HERE

Here's something to make you laugh

Hope comes from God who is our protecter....And with that hope I went searching for pictrues of hope....or at least pictures that could made me laugh at this halo thing they are going to make me put on.....Hope you enjoy.........

Now wouldn't you love to have a back
to the future thing like that strapped
to your head instead of a robo cop
looking thing in the pictures next to us :)

But that's ok cause I'm coming out wearing
the newest headress and making
all the other cancer patients jealous....
Robo Cop Here I Come lol



Life As I've Come To Know It

"In the midst of an ever-changing world, the good news is that the life of faith is anchored by the power, provisions and the promises of God.  Circumstances may change, but the future is as sure as the character of God himself.  No matter what happens, those who trust in God hope in his word"

Hello everyone sorry It's been so long since I updated but honestly life has been a more difficult than I would have dreamed lately. Since my last update I've had a MRI of my brain which revealed that the full brain radiation shrunk the tumors almost 50% which the radiologist and I were so happy about.  He said one of the tumors was almost gone.  So the next step now is gamma knife which is a concentrated form of radiation.  The fact that I am able to have gamma knife is amazing the only problem I have with it is the procedure that goes into which involves having what looks like a halo screwed into your head......yea I know that what your thinking...that sounds "phenomenal" lol.
I also had another PET scan done which came back still showing active cells in the live and substernal regions but the spots were still smaller and the oncologist was very happy with that too.
Like I wrote in my last post I've struggled with the swelling that the steroids caused.  I usually don't like to get out of the house much because I'm still so embarressed with how I look. The litle I've been out...it seems I may make it worse that it is but I've seen the stares and many times its just easier not to go out unless I am working. Most people tell me I look great but its a matter of believing it yourself that I haven't been able to do.  Luckily I have come completely off steroids but it may take a few months for the swelling in my face, neck, shoulders, back, and stomach to come down. 
Last month has been my hardest month so far.  I spent 4 days in the hospital with pneumonia.  I had been sick off and on for about 2 weeks before that. My oncologist sent me to a GI doctor to check my esophagus because I was having trouble swallowing and when we arrived my blood pressure was 86/54 and I was having trouble walking... the doctor looked and me and said "I know your a stubborn patient (apparently he had also just called my oncologist who had told him that too about me lol) but you need to be in the hospital...I'm gonna have your mother call us when you get there just to be sure you actually went".  Needless to say I felt like I was 15 again and in trouble but if I haven't said it before I'll say it now I am extrememly blessed with doctors that actually care about me and a mother who deserves the nobel prize for her love and patience. After my chest X-ray the doctors came in to tell me I had pneumonia and I said  "Ok I'll take it cause last time I was in the ER and the doctors came in ya'll told me I had cancer....so pneumonia is definitely alot better lol"......both doctors were a little stunned at my response but they both laughed. 
After leaving the hospital I struggled for about 2 weeks with nausea, dehydration, and fatigue. There have been some days where I couldn't get out of bed or off the couch without the assistance of my awesome mom.  Love her she's only about 98 pounds soaking wet lol and I'm about 150  pounds and she never hesitated to help lift me....I thank God everyday that she's here.  I felt like at times I let people down or hurt their feelings because people want to come visit me or want to take me out and most of the time, almost on a daily basis I would be hit with this over whelming fatigue, so bad that talking was a task I couldn't do.  I always hope that I explain to everyone who might not understand that I dont' want to ignore anyone but sometimes as hard as I try this disease takes me down for a while but I can promise you that I will always fight it....because tomorrow is a new day.
"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow willl bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today" Matthew 6:34 
 I have always tried to be honest on my blog and so I'll tell you there has been many times since I started this journey that I have wanted to quit.......between the fatigue, swelling, nauea, etc. I struggled alot......and through my tears I have cried out to God and asked the question that I'm sure many have who face illness and hard times..."Why me".  But I would NEVER, EVER wish this on anyone else but sometimes when it gets real bad thats the first question that comes to my mind.....though I truly believe and hope that God will be glorified through my struggles I am only human and want everyone to know that I get angry...I get sad but I still trust and hold onto to the God that has promised he will never leave me and I know he never will.
Today I watched a documentary of a little boy who is officially my hero.  I promise if you take 5 minutes to watch the story of this little boy it will brighten and inspire you as it did me to live each day like its your last and appreciate every moment.  P.S. You might wanna have some tissues....:)

  Here is a quote one of my nurses gave me and I think its perfect.
"Faith is God's invitation to make the impossible possible.  He is glorified when we are enabled to do what we are unable to do"