Saturday, April 7, 2012

Life As I've Come To Know It

"In the midst of an ever-changing world, the good news is that the life of faith is anchored by the power, provisions and the promises of God.  Circumstances may change, but the future is as sure as the character of God himself.  No matter what happens, those who trust in God hope in his word"

Hello everyone sorry It's been so long since I updated but honestly life has been a more difficult than I would have dreamed lately. Since my last update I've had a MRI of my brain which revealed that the full brain radiation shrunk the tumors almost 50% which the radiologist and I were so happy about.  He said one of the tumors was almost gone.  So the next step now is gamma knife which is a concentrated form of radiation.  The fact that I am able to have gamma knife is amazing the only problem I have with it is the procedure that goes into which involves having what looks like a halo screwed into your head......yea I know that what your thinking...that sounds "phenomenal" lol.
I also had another PET scan done which came back still showing active cells in the live and substernal regions but the spots were still smaller and the oncologist was very happy with that too.
Like I wrote in my last post I've struggled with the swelling that the steroids caused.  I usually don't like to get out of the house much because I'm still so embarressed with how I look. The litle I've been out...it seems I may make it worse that it is but I've seen the stares and many times its just easier not to go out unless I am working. Most people tell me I look great but its a matter of believing it yourself that I haven't been able to do.  Luckily I have come completely off steroids but it may take a few months for the swelling in my face, neck, shoulders, back, and stomach to come down. 
Last month has been my hardest month so far.  I spent 4 days in the hospital with pneumonia.  I had been sick off and on for about 2 weeks before that. My oncologist sent me to a GI doctor to check my esophagus because I was having trouble swallowing and when we arrived my blood pressure was 86/54 and I was having trouble walking... the doctor looked and me and said "I know your a stubborn patient (apparently he had also just called my oncologist who had told him that too about me lol) but you need to be in the hospital...I'm gonna have your mother call us when you get there just to be sure you actually went".  Needless to say I felt like I was 15 again and in trouble but if I haven't said it before I'll say it now I am extrememly blessed with doctors that actually care about me and a mother who deserves the nobel prize for her love and patience. After my chest X-ray the doctors came in to tell me I had pneumonia and I said  "Ok I'll take it cause last time I was in the ER and the doctors came in ya'll told me I had cancer....so pneumonia is definitely alot better lol"......both doctors were a little stunned at my response but they both laughed. 
After leaving the hospital I struggled for about 2 weeks with nausea, dehydration, and fatigue. There have been some days where I couldn't get out of bed or off the couch without the assistance of my awesome mom.  Love her she's only about 98 pounds soaking wet lol and I'm about 150  pounds and she never hesitated to help lift me....I thank God everyday that she's here.  I felt like at times I let people down or hurt their feelings because people want to come visit me or want to take me out and most of the time, almost on a daily basis I would be hit with this over whelming fatigue, so bad that talking was a task I couldn't do.  I always hope that I explain to everyone who might not understand that I dont' want to ignore anyone but sometimes as hard as I try this disease takes me down for a while but I can promise you that I will always fight it....because tomorrow is a new day.
"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow willl bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today" Matthew 6:34 
 I have always tried to be honest on my blog and so I'll tell you there has been many times since I started this journey that I have wanted to quit.......between the fatigue, swelling, nauea, etc. I struggled alot......and through my tears I have cried out to God and asked the question that I'm sure many have who face illness and hard times..."Why me".  But I would NEVER, EVER wish this on anyone else but sometimes when it gets real bad thats the first question that comes to my mind.....though I truly believe and hope that God will be glorified through my struggles I am only human and want everyone to know that I get angry...I get sad but I still trust and hold onto to the God that has promised he will never leave me and I know he never will.
Today I watched a documentary of a little boy who is officially my hero.  I promise if you take 5 minutes to watch the story of this little boy it will brighten and inspire you as it did me to live each day like its your last and appreciate every moment.  P.S. You might wanna have some tissues....:)

  Here is a quote one of my nurses gave me and I think its perfect.
"Faith is God's invitation to make the impossible possible.  He is glorified when we are enabled to do what we are unable to do"

7 comments:

jackie (dash!) said...

thanks for the update, cockpit! you're inspiring and i am thinking of you all the time. your honesty is a beautiful thing. i'm sending you so much love.

Christina Dixon said...

Yes, thanks for the update Cockpit. I am thinking about you and praying for you. Thank you for sharing. Hang in there...and even when we don't understand...we can have confidence that the Lord is working out something that far exceeds anything we can imagine. Much love sister. ~Braveheart

Stacey Nicole said...

Praying hard for you! I can't imagine how hard it is to be on this journey you are on! I'm so thankful for the way you glorify God even in the midst of pain and suffering! I'm so glad the cancer in your brain has shrunk.... I know it's terrible to have to go through the treatment, but I so hope that it continues to work, and quickly! I wish there was something that I could do... I know right now the most important thing I can do is pray. and pray I will! Love in Christ! -Stacey

linda sinko said...

Sarah, I don't understand either. But you being brave enough to face this is a constant source of strength to me. I expect every day to have this monster back in my life, and you DO, & are carrying on. If people stare,TELL them Why: The more people we acquaint w the struggles of this disease, the better. Your beauty is not as the world judges, but from am inner source as radiant and powerful as any I have seen! You are are officially my hero: your strength-whether from God or from some inner source-helps me in my petty little journey. You are in my thoughts & prayers. I rejoice w you on the success of the treatment, & agonize w you on the side complete strangers are in your court, & are constantly uplifted by your honest struggle. W/ admiration!

Anonymous said...

I miss you. Ronda

Anonymous said...

I love you Sarah Katherine Davis! <3 You are such a blessing to me, and others. Thank you so much for sharing that video that made me cry like a baby! ;) I will be praying for you daily...I had no idea you were going through these things. You are amazing, and amazingly strong...knowing God is on your side...you are the strongest person I know! <3 you much!

Hey...want me to check into getting a light visor installed on the bottom part of your "halo"? ;) It may put you in a great mood. <3 -Kari Watkins

kellibrwn@gmail.com said...

Sarah its been such a long time since we last talked! Just wanted you to know that your friends here in KY have been made aware of your courageous and continuing battle with this ugly disease and we all lift you up in prayer and love. I will be following your blog - but if you ever feel like giving me a call don't hesitate...Love you sooo much, Kelli, Dan, Kristen and Mojo