Sunday, October 3, 2010

Just two little stories

Well I wanted to share two stories with everyone the first is a funny story from class. The other day the teacher came in and announced that we would be taking our school picture Ids that after noon. Of course all the girls started freaking out because their hair wasn't done. I mean I usually wear hats to class and a few people know that its b/c I've had I didn't really make any comments when every one started complaining about their hair. Then without thinking I let myself slip.......a girl sitting next to me takes her hair out of her pony tail and says "I haven't even had time to brush my hair this morning...its a mess" to which I said "Me with either.....dang my hair is messed up". Everyone burst out laughing and then there was an awkward silence. "Sorry didn't mean to make anybody feel bad I said...I"m just sayin...its just hair". In fear that I had just committed social suicide lol I did make sure the girls knew I was just making a joke and wasn't made of tryin to make anyone feel bad.And really my whole point in saying that was not for was just for girls to realize that hair is just that....HAIR!! And I hate that I've had to loose my to see that but even now that its coming back I can be honest and admit its still hard not to want to wear hats still cause my hair isn't long and flowing like all the other girls...but I'm slowly adjusting. :)

My second story is rather a hard one to tell but one I think I need to share. This week at work I got some devastating news from a customer and friend of mine. The woman I speak of we'll call "Jo" and she has been coming to the pharmacy almost as long as I've been there. We really got to know each other when I took a special interest in helping making sure her mother got the cheapest medications possible cause she was on medicare and couldn't afford many of her meds. Then right after I got diagnosed Jo was also diagnosed with brain cancer. She had tried many different chemo treatments and I was aware of the fact the doctors did not have much more they said they could do if these next chemo treatments she was getting did not shrink her tumors. So tuesday when I went into work and saw her sitting on the bench waiting on a script I went out to talk to her. She told me about her recent surgery and how they scrapeed some of the tumor off and relieved the pressure on her brain. She looked really great for having that kind of surgery and so I asked what they were gonna do now. She revealed to me an answer no one wants to hear. The surgery was all she had left and all they were doing now was keeping her comfortable.......the cancer had moved into spinal cord and was also on her brain stem...they told her she has only 6 to 8 months to live. And with those words my eyes filled up with tears as I reached out to hug her. Our embrace was not that of two strangers who only talked across the counter but now of two women who understood each other.....all I wanted to do was fix it and it was very apparent nothing I said or did was gonna change her prognosis and so all I had to give at that moment was a hug of love and of compassion. I dont' know if you've ever experienced talking to someone who has no more options.... There are simply no there were for me...only tears because I knew there was nothing at that moment I could say. Jo looked at me and told me (the one who was gonna make it and be okay) that I didnt' need to cry she was too mean to die anyways lol. In her time of need she was thinking of me and of course that made me cry more.

So here we are middle of walmart on the bench with two lines of people waiting to get perscriptions and I am boo hooing like a baby. I got myself together and told her I would do whatever I could to help her. She takes care of her ailing mother and expressed concern over what would happen to her once she's gone......and of course I cried again at the thought of how I would feel if I were dying and there was no one to take care of my mother.

How do u talk to someone whose dying....I struggle to find the words. I know you can't put God in a box...but I would be lying to you if I told you it didn't make me mad that Jo's time here on earth may be done soon and that I haven't prayed and questioned God as to why some people who are mean and dont' care about anyone but them selves get to live and others who only think about others have to die too soon. I trust in God but my flesh makes me want to rely on myself instead of him. It makes me want things my way...instead of trusting in his good and perfect timing. And it makes me want to know "Why?" right now......not later but makes me want it in my time...not his.

For Jo I want more time for her and want no suffering for her in whatever time she has left. I am making steps to help make this happen. People complain about the most trivial things in life and I know I'm just as guilty.....they don't feel good today....they feel fat.... their stressed over their wedding, job, pregnancy, etc......their hair looks bad.....they feel tired. I dont' say those things to call anyone out but to really put it all down on a level that will make you think.

I challenge you as I have myself to really think next time before you complain or get mad about anything. Think about whether what your mad about is really gonna matter when its all said and done. Think about how much you have to be thankful for...particularly the fact that you get to live another day. Life is so short and I feel like we all take it for granted and I hate that we have to see others struggle before we realize the blessings we have.   Here's a little video that really speaks to me in times like these when I don't understand things and it helps me remember God's still with us :)

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