Monday, January 2, 2012

Ready or Not Here Comes Cancer

I have sat here for about an hour trying to figure out how to start this newest and probably most difficult blog post I have ever had to write. I hate having to tell bad news and I hate the thought of anyone being upset but like I have always said I feel like God has me on this journey for a reason and if some how my journey can help or positively affect someone by showing the grace and mercy of our Lord and Savior then I will do it.  And so with that here goes nothing........it is with the heaviest of heart that I have to reveal my latest diagnosis of Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer. 
To make a long story short.....I will tell you that it all started when I had to pull over to the side of the road on Christmas Eve while driving with my nephew because my eyes were bothering me.  I have been seeing what many call "floaters" in my eyes for months now....however, these are very common symptoms of migraines but on this particular night the "floaters" I saw completely took over my vision and by the time I pulled into a neighborhood and parked the car.....I blacked out.  Thanks to my "hero" and amazing nephew  who flagged down some residents of the neighborhood and then called 911.   I was then transported by ambulance to a local hospital where a CT scan was done on my head and 3 lesions were discovered. One on the occipital lobe, one on the cerebrum, and one on the frontal lobe.
I was then transported to another hospital that had neurologists that could see me. So by the time I got settled into the hospital it was almost 5 am on Christmas Eve.....but as always we made it eventful.....
<><><><><><><>  <><><><><><><> 
A funny pic that my Fav Nicole Took of Me :)


<><><><><><><>  <><><><><><><> 
Me and My Amazing Niece Kailea...We r Rock Stars!




















<><><><><><><> <><>  <><><><><><><> <><>  <><><><><><><> <><>
Canister Full of Radioactive Dye....FANTASTIC! LOL
Later on in the week I had a PET scan of my entire body and met with my oncologist.  The news he gave me was a little more than what we were expecting.  For those that don't know during a PET scan you are injected with radioactive dye  out of a canister and I of course had to take a pic......and the dye lights up in your body where there is active disease.  Unfortunately... along with the tumors in my brain there was evidence of active disease in my liver (Cancer), my hip, my tail bone, and my sub-sternal lymph nodes (lymph nodes that run down next to your trachea)


While yes I try to always find a way to have fun with it all I would be lying if I told you I was not still in shock and trying to process how just last week I was stressing about where I wanted to apply to finish my Bachelors in Nursing and this week.....I am contemplating what my life may now begin to look like.  The good and bad things about having cancer previously is that I have a great support system of cancer posse and survivors to turn to but I also know what life battling cancer looks like and I know how difficult the journey I am about to embark on is going to be.  A friend sent me this verse this morning and it was so perfect to how I feel
" I cried out to the Lord in my suffering, and He heard me. He set me free from all my fears." Psalm 34:6
So the plan for now is this......I am to start full brain radiation in attempts to shrink the tumors TOMORROW.  I dont' know how I feel at this point....I feel like I am still processing the major shift my life has suddenly taken.  But I know I will wake up in just a few hours and I will do my best to face tomorrow with the peace that my God has promised me that surpasses all understanding.  Am I afraid YES....but do I still trust in my never failing, ever lasting God....YES and do I believe in miracles and the healing power of Jesus....YES!  I am also starting on two different chemo pills, Tykerb and Xeloda....a whopping 11 pills a day....EXCITING STUFF! lol.  I am also going for a bone scan on Thursday and praying for good results :)
Some have asked if I will be doing IV chemo and radiation but my oncologist has explained that you can not do IV chemo and full brain radiation at the same time because it can cause you to go toxic.  So for now we do one thing at a time and we will start with the brain...doing 15 straight days of  Full brain radiation followed by a MRI to see if that radiation has shrunk the tumors and then we will move on from there.
I know God has heard ever scream and caught every tear I have cried over this past week because believe me I will be honest and tell you there have been many.  To say I have an amazing family and friends who have sat with me, cried with me, listened to me, and just been there for me would be an understatement.  I will never EVER be able to repay all the love I have seen over just the past week....but I will spend my lifetime trying to repay it.

16 comments:

Heather Cline said...

Sarah, you have given me a new perspective on life and a new set of eyes. I wish that it didn't take you to show me this or this situation though. I have honestly never met a woman as strong as you especially in her faith and trust in God. Most people would turn from Him yet you do what we are suppose to. I have a lot of growth in my walk with Christ, as all of us do, but you absolutely amaze me in your positivity thru this. I wish it were possible to show you how much your friendship has and continues to mean to me. Why is it that you are the one facing a struggle, yet you keep being my shining star? Shouldn't our roles be reversed? I love you girl and am going to do my best to do even half as much as you have done for me!

Diana Elswick said...

Sarah, you are a very strong person, and we are keeping you in our prayers. As I read your blog, your faith is amazing to me. Your faith shows us we need to have more faith and walk with God. We love you and your whole family. Here is our phone number if you all need anything: 276-531-8924. You are truly God's Shining Star.

Unknown said...

Sarah, I am so sorry that you are having to experience this situation you are facing. God is good all the time and I am so moved by your faith in Him. You are in my prayers.

Jane Yon said...

Sarah, I am praying for you . . .

Rachel Brown said...

Sarah you are such an amazing lady! Your faith in God is so inspiring! You are in my prayers. We all look forward to hear a good report!

Laura Jones said...

Sarah,
I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through and as a nurse, I know I will never understand the extent of your pain and what you are going through. Instead I will say my husband and I will be praying for you. Two verses that have helped me thru the loss and heartache have been Psalms 55:22 ~ Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Also, Lamentations 3:22-25 ~ The Lord's loving kindnesses indeed never cease. For his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul. Therefore, I have hope in him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. You have an awesome attitude and I just want to encourage you to stay strong, but don't be afraid to cry and tell Him how you feel. God hurts when you hurt and he will wipe away all your tears one day. Even though we don't understand why he allows somethings to happen to great people, rest assured, glory will be brought out of it, or He wouldn't allow it to happen.
Laura Jones (Lindsey Jones' sister-in-law)

Mary Beth Osborne said...

Sarah,
I love you and am agreeing with you in prayer over your situation. I can't begin to imagine what you feel, but I'm so glad you know you're not having to go through this alone. You are an amazing chic and there are so many of us that love you and have your back all the way through this.

Anonymous said...

Sarah I love you girl! I'm so sorry you are going through this! It's time we stomp and rebuke the Devil away from you! I am praying for you and that Gods protection and healing is all over you and your family! Never give up! Isaiah 58:8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, and Your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.

Anonymous said...

Sarah I love you girl! I'm so sorry you are going through this! It's time we stomp and rebuke the Devil away from you! I am praying for you and that Gods protection and healing is all over you and your family! Never give up! Isaiah 58:8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, and Your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.

BPortwood said...

Sarah, Praying for you and your healing daily!:)

Cathy Price said...

Sarah, I love you and I feel like you are one of my family. I know I only got to work with you for such a short time but our connections are so deep. I have prayed for you for during your whole experience through the love of your family. You are a wonderful inspiration to all especially to Trey and Kailea...They LOVE you so much and I do too. I will keep the prayers going strong. Healing, comfort and love to you forever.

Cora from Hidden Riches said...

I thought long and hard about the title to your post. Having been through the struggles of breast cancer and being 3 1/2 years out from my diagnosis, I would have to say, I'm NOT ready for what you have been through. I found that out as I felt my own anxiousness rise up within me as I wondered, "When will this happen to me?" I have a bluntly honest oncologist who says, "It's not IF, it's WHEN will it come back?" Very sobering, indeed. Sometimes I think I'm ready, I put on the face of being ready, but in darkness of the night, I wonder. . .
It is then that I hear the whisper of, "Be anxious for nothing, but in EVERYTHING with prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

And I know that peace. Just as I read that you know that peace, too. It is that peace that gives us the confidence to take another step, and then another. I'll be praying for you as you move ahead. And I know that through it all, you will come out the other side looking just a little more like Him!!!

Janice Alley said...

Oh...Sarah....I just saw this link!!! I am at a loss of words?? anyone who knows me would say "not possible" BUT I am (as you said you are) in shock....I just talked to you a couple months ago.....I would love to be able to come see you and keep in touch...are you currently still in the hospital or at home??? You have the best outlook and attitude and it is very apparent that God is with you.....you could never be that strong without His love and ever guiding/holding strong hand....Love you sooo much...you are sooo beautiful....Janice Alley your "pink boosoom buddy"

Eric said...

Hey Sarah D :-),
I just got done reading your blog and I'm in a lost for words. You are a very inspiring person. You are still very beautiful in the pics you have posted. Stay strong, keep your spirits high, and fight this with everything you have! Such a sad thing to hear happen to such an amazing person. I know you will get passed all of this because your SARAH D! I will be praying for you. Stay stron, keep that head up!
Siemer :-)

Teri Jo said...

Hell There Sarah... Your Brother, Mark, is one of my dear friends. I wanted to reach out to you and let you know that I, among many many others have prayed and thought about you many times since he informed me/us of what you are going through. May God Bless you with all he has and provide you and your family comfort in your journey's. I know you are a strong woman and you have touched so many lives with your precious self. Please keep us posted and if you need anything at all (I know you don't know me), but I am here for you. I am always willing to help, please never hesitate to contact me. My Prayers and Thoughts are with you everyday, through out the days. In Loving Peace, Teri Jo

RandSMOM said...

Sarah, I have been following you since my Mom was diagnosed in March 2010. She sees the same surgeon and oncologist as you. Regretfully, you were doing chemo at the same time as her but apparently on different days so I never got to meet you. I just want you to know I am so moved by who you are and and my relationship with God has changed for the better because of you. My humble heart is praying for you. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with all of us. You are a shining light.
Lana