Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Life's New Journey......

In my last past I told u a small summary of what had been going on with me but I need to update everyone on the rest of the story.  I apologize I haven't posted this sooner but the truth is I wish I had better news.....and telling people has been difficult for me.  On the day I found out about my brother I also found a lump on my right side (which is the side my original breast cancer was on).  I, of course, began freaking out and called the doctor and went in for an appointment 2 days later.  But after my oncologist checked it out and determined it was definitely a new lump he sent me back to my surgeon who had me get it biopsied.   The next day I got a call from the radiologist saying that it was in fact a new case of cancer.  This came not only as a shock to me but to the doctors as well considering the fact that I'm still on active treatment of herceptin every 3 weeks and I just had a clear mammogram and ultrasound 2 weeks ago and so was confident that this was just a inflammation from my scars from the last surgery .  My amazing oncologist Dr. Briggs had it tested and determined that while my last cancer was ER +  and Her 2 New +..........this new cancer is ER-  and Her 2 New +.  Well the problem with that is that I'm on herceptin which should prevent any new Her 2 New positive cancer from growing which obviously its not doing. Just a little back ground for those who may not know.....Her 2 New is a receptor specific to breast cancer and Herceptin is the newest and best drug marketed to treat it.  
 Dr. Briggs said he had never seen someone have a re-occurence of cancer which still on of course like any normal person I"m at this point feeling like a "statistic".  However, he reassured me that I am not a statistic and we are gonna do what is needed to try and fix this.  I also had an MRI done of my chest and the cancer did not show up on the MRI...which means that cancer isn't acting like "cancer", which is obviously a problem. 
The next and biggest problem to us is that my right side has been swollen for almost 2 months from much so that all I've been able to wear are compression tops, it was the site of my last cancer, and now its the site for the new cancer.
My oncologist gave me all of this information so that of course I would be informed but also because his recommendation that we feel is gonna be the safest thing for me to do is a right sided masectomy.  As he said those words to me I felt like I'd be hit with a ten-ton of bricks.   It was obvious that as hard as that was for me to was also difficult for my oncologist to tell me.  Through his watery eyes you could truly see a man who cared......a doctor who I wish everyone had. He asked me "Do you feel safe leaving the breast on".........and the truth is No I don't but I'm terried at the thought of having a masectomy. He sat with me and my amazing friend Heather for almost 2 hours and let us ask questions and just think about what all he had said....I am so truly thankful for my amazing doctor.  Yes women have masectomies done everyday and to some its not big deal but to me its like loosing a part of me and I can't explain the grief associated with it. 
After waiting for almost a week for prior approval I had a PET scan to test to see if the cancer has metastasized any where else in my body which PRAISE THE LORD it has not.  But another new tumor was seen, which mean that there is a total of 2 new tumors on my right side that have appeared in less than 30 days.  So needless to say he wants the surgery done possibly next week.  Also, a new round of chemotherapy is dependent on the fact of how infected the breast is with cancer once its removed and biopsied.  There's the possibility that it might not be full of disease but I'd be risking alot to keep it and take the chance that it is.  The thought of chemo is one I can't really explain either.......I'll just keep it simple by saying It's a scary thought and those who have gone through it or been with someone whose gone through it know what I mean.
While a masectomy "sucks" still isnt' the worst that could happen and I'm thankful for all the doctors that have taken care of me up until this point.  You don't find alot of doctors that will call you from their cell phone to tell you your results on just sit with you in silence........for that I am beyond thankful.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't upset, mad, angry, confused and so many other words. But I also still trust in a God that I know has my best interests at heart and knows and understands my pains and fears, a God who is my healer.  It's in him alone that I trust during this uncertain time. 
Trusting in His Grace Alone,


Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers go out to you at this trying time. I have been following your blog from time to time since my mom has the same surgeon and oncologist. She has travelled the same paths but we never got to meet you. I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your story. It has meant more than you can ever know. I am sending out my most sincere prayer that you will defeat the cancer. Lana

bev said...

"May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to servant.Let your compassion come to me that I may live." Ps. 119:76-77 this verse has always been one i turn to when life doesn't make sense. sending up many many prayers on your behalf. you are a brave woman because your God is SO BIG; He gives you strength and confidence to walk with your head held high.

a_dub said...

I have followed your blog since out paths crossed a few months ago. I work at one of your doctor's offices. A coworker told me about your blog and I sat and read every post. What an amazing person you are... you have been faced with so much in your short time on this planet yet you've held your head high and stayed positive. You've laughed when many others would cry, and prasied the Lord for every day that you wake up.

This newest diagnosis will not get the best of you... you have far too much life to live to let this get you down. I know God has some very special plans for you. I cannot wait to see where life takes you. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us.

Nancy said...

Sarah, I just stumbled upon your blog. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking and praying for you. I have breast cancer too! I too want to thank you for sharing your story. On December will be 2 years since the completion of chemo. I had a left sided mastectomy. You can do this! You are NOT alone! Hang in there!