Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Next Step

So the past two weeks have been really crazy. To start off I want to update everyone on the status of my next step in treatment. I went last week to see my oncologist who seems really awesome. He actually had cancer when he was 16 so I feel like he understands alot more than most because he has been there. I walked into my first room and these nurses said "Gotta get some blood" and I told her "I thought we were done with all that"...she said "Oh that's just what you thought....we just getting started" lol. It always helps nurses and staff to joke with...I mean if we can't laugh we'd never get through any of this.
Then we went into the conference room to wait on the oncologist. And here is what we found out......

these are the names of the three drugs I will be taking. I will be taking Taxotere and Carboplatin together once every 3 weeks for about 4 and a 1/2 months. Then I will finish out the year taking Herceptin. Herceptin is pretty much considered the new miracle drug and has increased cure rates in breast cancer patient with a positive Her 2 New receptors by 50%. Now here comes the hard part......Taxotere and Carboplatin will make my hair fall out the doctor says and there is no way around that. He told me I had about two weeks before it would start to fall out. To say that at that moment my heart didn't skip a beat and I didn't have to swallow my tears would be a lie. The truth is it was one of the harder moments for me because I thought to myself I can loose it right here and right now in front of everyone or I can push forward and know that this is just the means to an end. I am woman and as a woman our hair is one our trade marks. How do u just tell someone that's all gonna be gone in a matter of a few weeks? This might sound weird but hair is just like can be gone in a matter of minutes. However, we only have one life and I can always grow new hair. I had thought about my hair coming out almost since I got diagnosed and now I thought "God why me.....I never hardly go anywhere without doing something to my hair and now suddenly you think its gonna be ok if its all gone"....but I think this will truly be God's test for me to show me that I am am his child and I am beautiful bald or with lots of hair.I wont' lie and say it won't be hard but I have chosen to make the decision to be as positive as I can about this.....and if my hair is long enough I am going to try and give it to locks of love before it comes out.
So back to other parts of treatment. We did discuss the side effects of chemo and that was another hard part. Everyone reacts differently to chemo and the truth is you wont' know exactly how you will feel until you receive treatment. However, to sit and listen to all the "possible" side effects of treatment is still a little overwhelming. We talk about the drugs putting me into menopause for a while and I swear my head about spun around like the kind in "The Exorcist" lol. I mean seriously I asked the doctor "Could we just skip the chemo" lol. He gave a slight grin and said "I wish".

I have thought many time since then about just skipping chemo and radiation all together. And of course everyone freaks out when I say that but I feel great right now...I'm working and going to the gym. Now the doctors want to inject me with all these toxic drugs that are gonna make me feel like poo poo for months. Seriously....let's not lie and say everyone would just be like "Okay Cool!" LOL. I have researched this alot and looking up things on cancer online can do two things 1.) Make you more informed that you were before you looked this stuff up and 2.) Make most scared than you were when 4 years old and you had to sleep by urself in a big kid bed in the DARK! lol. People talk about their experience online and some of them are horrible and very scary. However, I was reminded once AGAIN this week that everyone's experience is different and that maybe I had looked up enough online. I am trying to educate myself as much as possible on all the meds I will be on and I know I will most likely begin treatment as scheduled. So my surgery to have my port placed is for next Wednesday 1/20 and then my treatment is scheduled to begin on the following Wednesday 1/27. Though I may be scared I know I am guided by the one who gave it all for me and he is bigger than this battle or any other I may ever face in my life.


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