BALD IS BEAUTIFUL

Sooo I also wanted to write a little blog on my hair situation.  Everyone one knows that I cute my hair but what many may not know is that about month ago I also had to shave it.  I mean my bed began looking like a lab had been sleeping with me at night time lol  and I knew that the time had come to just let it all go.  I obviously knew this was coming but it was no easier than the first time I had to cut my hair...so now I am officially BALD lol. One of the craziest things about shaving my head was how sick it made me. You see the follicles on my head were actually dead and my scalp was sooo sore. So when they began shaving it...it made me incredible SICK and nauseated...more than I have ever been since I started treatment but I have heard from many survivors that that is normal. They shaved my head a few days after my treatment and I was already just feeling so bad that it took me about 2 days to come back to life and truly realize what had happened, so after about 2 days with no hair I was some-what used to it.

   Probably the hardest part of it all was looking in the mirror and shocking myself with the way I look. You see when I looked in the mirror the face I saw was not my own but my father's. I have been told that we look alot alike and was not fully aware of it until I saw my face in the mirror last sunday. It of course made me miss him that much more. Many of the things I have gone through during treatment have made me understand that much more about everything my dad went through during his treatment and it has been both a blessing and a curse.  A blessing in the way that I understand more of what he went through and a curse in the way that my heart breaks for him as I think of how much worse I know his treatment was. But I know that through it all in the end and the beginning God was there and he is here now and will always be. 

Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

 The good thing about not having my hair is that the migraine headaches I was having before I shaved it are now very few and far between.  Its also nice to be able to now put lotion right on my scalp because it is so dry and itches alot.  I have and am still thinking about getting a wig but for some reason I am just not as comfortable in wigs like I am hats.  I feel like hats offer memore to play with...I can match a head scarf to the hat and then add earrings....kind of fun :)  It is however frustrating sometimes matching my hat to different outfits, but I do get alot of comments on them so its encouraging for me and makes me feel more comfortable in them.  I was told by my fellow survivor Dawn that I would learn to accept my baldness and embrace.  CRAZY I thought at the time....JUST CRAZY.......but now I am slowly accepting it.  Most nights I rip my hat off as soon as I'm in the door because after about 8 hours with a scarf and hat on your head it begins to itch and just get annoying.  Its also kind of cool if I ever get hot or cold I can fix that in a snap by taking my hat off (hot) or putting it on if I get cold :)

 Maybe when it comes back it will be blonde so I won't have to spend money on highlights lol....a girl can dream right ;)