Saturday, December 5, 2009

God will not Give us more than we can handle

So this weekend we went to my aunt's house to pick up a new couch she did not want anymore. It was a fun trip and a really pretty drive. A few minutes after we arrived to the house my Aunt's nephew arrived with his mother and brother. He ran up to my Aunt and asked her if she was feeling better (she had been sick the night before) and if she could come shopping with them. She said she wasn't and he hugged and asked her one more time just to check. Seeing Dalton for just a few minutes hit me very hard. You see Dalton has had leukemia since he was 21 months old. He has probably been poked, proded, pushed on more times than I can imagine. I almost did not recognize him he was so thin because he has what is called host vs. graft disease. He had a stem cell transplant and now his body was rejecting his own organs and he in not absorbing nutrients. In a few weeks he will have to have a stomach pump put in. My aunt says he has cried and cried about it. My heart sank and I could feel tears whelling up in my eyes and I swallowed a few times to hide them.
As I watched him walk away...I felt like someone had punched me in the face. Here I was upset over a little breast cancer diagnosis. One in which had great cure rates and many options for treatment. And her stood this young man who had pretty much grown up with leukemia...and yet he was as sweet and loving probably more than more kids were. I thought my situation could be worse and even though I was faced with a bigger obstacle that most people was just that an... obstacle and one that I can overcome.
I thought at that moment of my father. Who had only two options...fight or die. He went through 6 bone marrow tests. Which is where they stick a needle into your hip and pull out marrow while you are still awake. He had two ports put in him and multiple types of chemo and spinal taps. Lord help me to stay humble in all of this and realize that it could be worse.....that God is leading me through this and he would not give me more than I can bear. Even though at point I may feel sorry for myself I think of those like my father and like Dalton who do not have many great options and who have to take what they are given...not matter the pain and suffering it may cause. I wish everyone had just one chance to see things as I saw them realize the important things that matter in life and to realize that we only have one life and that God is that sustainer of that life. Everyday is a gift from him...and I promised myself that I would try and remember that even on the hardest days when I fell like its me against this disease.

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