Thursday, December 31, 2009

"Be Still and Know that I Am God"

These are 2 of the wonderful gifts I received for my AMAZING friends!

So I just wanted to some how express to everyone my gratitude and appreciation through all the support and love I have received since my diagnosis. From cards to flowers, letters, texts, calls, emails and the list goes on. It has given me so much hope and encouragement in my dark times. I never expected all the support that I have gotten. I have received letters from people who have just read my blog to encourage and I have re-gained contact with old friends I have not spoken to in years and it has been amazing. I have so many people tell me that they love my positive attitude and faith in fighting this disease. I believe that having a positive attitude is one of your best allies in battling any disease. The open ears of friends that have listened to me talk for hours have meant more to me that I can express.
I also wanted to share some of my thoughts. I had dinner with a friend the other night and she shared with me many of her life stories and her struggles and dark times when she questioned God. And she said something that has stuck with me. She told me about a really hard time she went through right before she graduated and how one week before graduating school she laid on the beach filled with grief and dispair in a time when she should be happy. She said she looked up and yelled at God and said "What else can you take from me, what else do you want." One week or so later her apartment caught on fire. And in the midst of all of that she looked at me and said she thought of the verse "Be still and know that I am God." Then she asked me do you think god wants you to do just that to just "Be still and know that He is GOD"? WOW....her words hit me strong and hard and I have not been able to forget them. I am not saying God gave me cancer or he wants me to be sick..but maybe part of his plan is for me to "Be still". We don't' know his plans and maybe we aren't supposed to because he is God the all knowing all powerful Creator. Our Alpha, Omega, Redeemer and Friend. I am also certainly not saying God burned her apartment down. But it made me think like she said sometimes God just wants us to be still and know that HE IS GOD. Maybe that is what I am supposed to do....I am praying about that...and trying to come to him with an open heart ready for what he has for me. I don't' know God's plans for my life even though I'm sure like everyone else that I did. I could list questions that I have for God about why things happen, why people die and why we as human beings struggle so much. But I try to remember God struggled too, he came to earth for me, lived a perfect life and died a death that I can only imagine. Even with all of that said I admit I get weak sometimes and I get angry but I know he still loves me and he understands. Its very apparent that this is not a road I would have chosen for myself but God is with me on it...holding me....I just have to let him guide me and I have to know that HE IS GOD and HE KNOWS IT ALL.

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